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Friday, March 11, 2011

Incompatibilities

I'm just not sure that someone with poor self esteem will ever be compatible with someone with an overinflated self-esteem or self-worth. The impacts of telling someone they are sucking the life out of you with their negativity and constant bitching and adding to that the fact that you think they should work on losing weight and working out every day... well, those impacts are huge when your self esteem is fragile. Honestly, I don't think my friends think I'm constantly bitching and that I'm an energy vampire; but maybe they're not being honest with me. I'm also not sure if it hurt worse to hear the above things about me or to hear that sometimes he wants to do stuff without me because he just wants to be without me and doesn't want to offer an explanation of why. Unless I'm just hanging out with girlfriends, he's always invited along and on those rare occasions when he isn't invited I make it clear why. I guess it hurt to hear that I make him crazy instead of hearing he's crazy about me like I am about him. I just feel crushed and like I want to sink in to a puddle on the floor. And he'll have no idea why what he said hurt my feelings - he'll say, "I was just sharing. If you tell me that you're upset then I won't want to share anymore."

I'm tired of never being good enough for anyone. I just wish there was someone out there who loved me for me - but it hasn't happened in the 25 years I've been dating so I'm not holding my breath.

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