Dreams

I started a diet AGAIN on Monday. I really have to lose weight. My knees and feet hurt if I walk too much especially on stairs and I'm hopefully moving in a month to a house with a basement and an attic. I, of course, feel like I'm starving. Monday wasn't bad; but by yesterday I felt absolutely ravenous. I caved and ate some good brie and crackers after dinner so I didn't go to bed hungry.

Now, before you say I shouldn't starve myself, know that I'm not. I'm doing Weight Watchers, for the umpteenth time in my life. Honestly, the only time that worked was the first time on the old exchange plan... back in 1990. This points thing is for the birds. I'm always hungry, just like I was a year ago when I tried it. I thought about doing the non-tracking thing but there is so little wiggle room on that; I just don't see it working. Too many things you just can't have - and I don't do well with can'ts.

I'm sure next week I won't be as starving. I just keep reminding myself of how I looked in a picture taken at my friend's going away party. My arms! They were huge! Honestly trying to tell yourself, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." is a load of crap. I can think of a lot of things that taste better. Triple Creme Brie, Jilly's Chocolate Thunder cupcakes, hard salami on brown bread with butter, homemade preserves on sourdough toast.... the list is pretty long. Don't get me wrong; the summer that I could wear a bikini in college was pretty sweet. But a picture is worth a thousand words and OMG I looked like a toad squatting in the corner at the bar. Sure, a toad in a cute top with killer jewelry - but still.

The fact that I feel absolutely ravenous even using all my points and all my extra points and walking the dog an extra time to earn extra points.... well, that probably means I've been eating too much food. This spring I tried to count calories. It's not as hard as it sounds with a smartphone around. I didn't feel starving as much; but I did realize that it wasn't working. I was always over my calorie count for the day because counting calories doesn't really encourage you to snack or eat healthy.

Oh, the post title? I've been having weird, vivid dreams the last couple nights. Almost nightmares. Last night - the last one I remember - I had one where I was watching some teenaged boys picking on a kid. The way they did it was futuristic; and disturbing. I noticed that several of them had their hair rolled from side to side on top of their head with a soda bottle in it - kind of like a cross between a sideways ducktail and the curlers made out of orange juice cans. Then I looked down and they were holding down a boy with an elizabethan collar for dogs around his neck and they were pouring soda into a tube stuck into the top of his skull. It looked like the straw that is in all the hospital cups that everyone seems to have now, but a lot bigger around. The soda was coming out of his.... his face I guess probably his nose and eyes. And when they were done his whole head was submerged. They let him pick his face up out of the collar to breathe for a moment but then back under he went.

Weird.

I'm pretty sure the lack of calories has something to do with this. I just hope the dreams abate when the hunger does. They're disturbing!